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[26 Nov 2007|11:08pm] |
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why am i such a baby.
all i do is complain, and whine, and wish.
for years, all i've wanted was to be, in one word or another, good at art. i want to learn and create amazing work and be able to feel something that i can then turn into something physical and aesthetic. being here is amazing, it makes me feel so alive. but sometimes, its so frustrating to deal with all the ideas that run through my head and not be able to get them out.
i have the brain for this, i know i do.
i just dont have the hands.
not yet anyways.
and im sick of waiting, sick of wishing.
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| college life. |
[10 Sep 2007|09:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 working |
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so i've been at college a little more than a week. since then:
i've had only one mental breakdown.
i've hardly slept.
as a result of the previous, i have become an avid coffee drinker.
i now recycle.
i have a new found confindence that i enjoy (socially -- not academically or artistically).
i realized i cant embarass myself too badly here... theres always someone 38735974 times weirder.
i realized how much i miss a certain people.
but also how much i dont miss others.
i've become good friends with one of my 3 suitemates (alicia).
i've also had to refrain from punching another one of the suitemates.
and i get to hang out with nicole, tommy, ryan and mariel alot (thank god, becuase other than them i have no friends).
ooh and i miss my goon of a boyfriend. i always want to be with him.
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[14 Jun 2007|08:19pm] |
i've gone for too long living like i'm not alive,
so i'm going to start over tonight
beginning with you and i.
when this memory fades
i'm gonna make sure it's replaced,
with chances taken, hope embraced.
and have i told you? i'm not going.
cause i've been waiting for a miracle.
and i'm not leaving.
i won't let you, let you give up.
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[15 May 2007|08:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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incubus |
] |
i love this feeling.
im just sad that it took so long to kick in.
i have less than two weeks of highschool left. and i'm gonna make the best of every fucking day because i love my friends. and i need to make up for everything i've missed and the way i've been by having an amazing summer. i just need to able to stay optomistic.
we all have a sickness
that cleverly attaches and multiplies
no matter how hard we try
we all have someone that digs at us
at least we dig each other
so when sickness turns my ego up
i know you'll act as a clever medicine
if i turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering
the better part of me.
sing this song
remind me that we'll always have each other
when everything else is gone.
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[10 Mar 2007|07:41pm] |
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in this whole fucked up mess of things that have taken over my daily life, ive found that the simplest things make me feel something. i walked outside tonight and it was so incredibly nice out and i just felt like i could breathe. just for a second. okay its somewhat chilly and that sounds so stupid, but really, it felt good.
i want summer. nowwww.
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[28 Feb 2007|09:47pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
this isnt fair. i dont do well with things i cant control, and apparently i have no control over my emotions, or lack there of. seriously, fuck off. i cant take this anymore. today was such a good day. i dont feel bad now, i just dont feel good anymore. its gone. again. and i dont think anyone will ever understand how frustrating that is.
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[22 Jan 2007|06:10pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
but i wont let this get me i will fight
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[12 Dec 2006|09:01pm] |
why does just about everything suck right now?
seriously.
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[10 Nov 2006|05:21pm] |
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i can't stay awake anymore. all i want to do is sleep.
and i'm sick of this stupid headache.
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[31 Oct 2006|04:56pm] |
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i really really reallllllyyyy would love for this week to be over. nowwww.
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[11 Oct 2006|04:19pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
so this was my day:
senior privlage
double pysc - i colored and made a poster for 90 minutes
photo
lunch
art - we had a crit so i just sat around
art - sat in the hallway and drew
comedy - watched movie clips
what a fabulous day.
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| i'll take a holiday, i'm sick of feeling this way |
[10 Oct 2006|10:31pm] |
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so lets see. nothing new and exciting has been going on. work, art, and thats about it. school is frustrating. my days are easy though. the art projects get to me, but i need to like cram them in now so i have a portfolio to submit so i guess its good that they keep me busy. i already miss the nice weather. the colds only good for blankets and hot chocolate. im always cold. i hate being cold. two weeks and i get to stay over with jeff :) its the only thing im looking forward to in the next few weeks. <3
im trying so hard to get out of these moods. they make me feel sick.
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[03 Oct 2006|09:53pm] |
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"sometimes its easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling.
who's frustrated.
or unsatisfied. or barely getting by.
but that feeling's a lie.
and if you just hold on.
just find the courage to face it all for another day,
someone or something will find you
and make it all okay.
because we all need a little help sometimes.
someone to help us hear the music in the world;
that reminds us that it won't always be this way."
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[18 Sep 2006|07:50pm] |
NIC0LE281: i gess we are in thsi one together tho
good thing cause this is gayyyyy.
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[17 Sep 2006|07:35pm] |
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well after a week and a half of school, its already old. i spend more than half my day in the art hall, i dont really see anyone all that often. things are weird at school. and im having a hard time with it. all this art is keeping me busy though, and stressed. but im handling it alright for the most part. i keep finding myself in weird moods, nothing moods kind of. and it used to make me upset but now i just get frustrated. it will never be as bad as it was before though. or so i hope. i want things to get better. but i feel like everything keeps falling apart.
everything but last night <3 and my god it better not fall apart anytime soon.
i hope i made the right decision. it just kind of happened. but that makes me think its okay.
& that lets me admit that this feels right.
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[26 Aug 2006|06:14pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
] |
as much as i say i dont care, i do, and i cant help it. and i dont get why.
what am i doing wrongggg.
i really tried, yet nothings changed.
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| i wanna yell and scream. |
[03 Aug 2006|03:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 irritated |
] |
i feel like im starting to be able to tell who really cares and who really doesnt all that much.
the weeks go by so fast now. schools gonna be here in a second, and its gonna be senior year.
and in all honesty, im interested in seeing how the year plays out.
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[19 Jul 2006|04:54pm] |
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i'm running down highways
til i see your face ;
i just need to see you now.
no work tonight, so instead a last
minute road trip to visit jeffreyyyy :) :) :)
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[12 Jul 2006|03:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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say anything |
] |
HA HA HA. SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.
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